Most of the time, during my runs, my mind drifts to my life worries and concerns. I would like to say that most of my thoughts are on happy things, exciting things and the best day ever things, but let's be honest, life seems to come at us from different views. As humans we seem to put our problems at the forefront of our life and dwell there till it makes us literally sick or forces us to make decisions that can alter our lives and the lives of our children.
What scares me the most and what seems to always be creeping in my thoughts during my mornings runs? Parenting/Christianity.
I think parenting is such a big deal to me because growing up my mother raised 7 kids. I would watch her and think, I could never do what you do. I am not patient and I am selfish. How in the world can I be a parent and my kids be respectable adults? In high school and in college, I never thought about being a mother. My dreams included becoming a country singer, or going to New York to study fashion and make my way in the clothing world. (by the way, I am SO THANKFUL none of those turned out) I also did not think I would be getting married in college. I thought I would be a single, thriving, living life to the fullest woman. (Funny, God's plans for you are some times complete opposite of what you want. ) Not until after I met my husband, and we married while we were both still in school, did I ever think about becoming a mother and putting all my ideas of dreams on the back burner.
After I became a mother in 2011, I realized I had new dreams and new hopes for the future. No longer did I want to be a famous country singer, I wanted to be a singer for my baby girl. I let go of the desire to design clothes and dress models, and I started looking at how to dress my chubby 6 month old. And I was so happy! I look back now and laugh at how completely different my life is now then what I had planned.
But, what comes with a new hopes and dream are new worries and concerns. Which leads me to this season in my life. I have three beautiful daughters that God has some how seen fit that I should raise. I also have a husband that literally, only God know where/who I would be without him. I have an amazing life! I have nothing to complain about at all, but yet my human finds things to worry about.
One of the biggest scares for me right now is, am I being the best christian parent I can be to my daughters? My girls are changing right now. And they all three are doing it at the same time. My oldest is finding her independent, I know everything self, (she is my mini me), my middle red head is finding her crazy temper and mean streak, and my third is finding her hilarious, I am going to find all of my sister's buttons and push them self. This scares the crap out of me to be frank!!!! I am always questioning whether I reacted to my girls situations properly? Did I handle the way a sane mother would do? Do my girls see God in me? The list goes on and on. Some days I feel like I am a great mother who knows exactly how to handle a situation and other days I feel like I have been handed a bomb and been told to diffuse it or the world blows up! (This is usually when I tell my husband I am going for run and I will not be back to I have sweated out the crazy)
I recently watched a video in our Sunday morning class on the Book of Judges in the Old Testament. (which, if you have not read, I highly recommend). The speaker in the video said something that has stuck with me. He said, "It is funny how most Christians can trust God with their future of eternity, yet we can't trust him with our earthly worries" OUCH OUCH OUCH!! That is so me! I believe that I have read the Bible and I know what God's word says about getting to heaven with him one day and I trust that. But for some reason I stress, cry and fret over the situations here on earth that seem to be huge problems.
I am making it a point to try and trust God more with my parenting and the future of my girls Faith in God. It scares me so much, like my chest gets heavy, thinking that one day my girls could not have a strong faith in God. I want them, more than anything, to love God and want to follow his word when they get older. I also know that me fretting over it will not make that outcome a reality. What will? Putting my trust in God, reading his word, following what the bible says and praying that my girls see Christ in me. The biggest way kids learn things is by watching, observing and doing. If I show them how to be a christian, if I show them how to read and study the bible, if I teach them to help others and to treat others they way they want to be treated, then that will hopefully lay the ground work for a strong christian faith when they are adults.
This is a running blog, how does this post relate to running. Well, it has everything to do with running, for me. Most mornings when I start my run it is dark. The days has not started yet and it makes me feel like it is just me and God. It is like my own personal one on one time with God. During those runs I do A LOT of praying. I pray for others, and what is going on at present, but mostly I pray and think about my parenting and christian walk. Running has given me time I need with God. I am not good and making time to sit down during the day. But, I can run a long time, and that is time that God wants from me. So, while I run, I give him my time, thoughts, tears, worries, concerns, happiness etc. I give him everything. So by the time I get home, I can greet my sleepy eyed girls who are waking up for school, with an attitude of trust in God, a reassurance that today is new day, and that maybe, just maybe I am not screwing up there lives lol!!
I am not really writing this a blog post, but more of a note to my self in a season of my life and a note/prayer to God that I am TRYING my hardest to be the parent and christian I need to be for my girls and husband. I hope to one day look back at this moment note and say, "you silly fool, why didn't you trust God with your worries!" I am reminded of Romans 8:28 " And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." This reminds me how important it is to follow God and his word in order that my life and my daughter's life right now and their future may be according His will.
My very smart mother once told me, "Work like all depends on you and pray like it all depends on God." How true this is. We can pray all we want to God that He will help us and our children in life, but we cannot just sit back and do nothing. Our role in this is to BE THE EXAMPLE and to SHOW our kids what christian life looks like. Do not rely on others to give me the morals and guidelines for life, it needs to come from you! This steps on my toes, but what a good reminder. My plan? I am going to work at being the parent and christian I need to be for my girls and pray so hard that God picks up the slack where I fail.
Run for your life, pray for your life and Trust God with your life